Confessions Of A Secular Humorist

I used to be a stand-up comic. At least for a few weekends, many years ago, at the old Comedy Den in Grand Rapids. I MC’d there, which means I introduced the real comics. And I told a few jokes and did a few impressions. Unfortunately, the impressions I did were of people who are either long since retired or are no longer with us. “This is Casey Kasem. Time now for our long-distance dedication.” “Hello, Americans! This is Paul Harvey. Stand by for news!” “This is Walter Cronkite. And that’s the way it is.” “I’m Andy Rooney. Why is it I talk like this? I wonder about that.” I learned a lot about comedy watching those real-life comics do their acts. I saw their acts on Thursday night; two shows on Friday night and two more shows on Saturday night. It’s hard not to learn about telling jokes and telling funny stories and timing after watching all that. Whatever I know about comedy I learned back then.

When I was a kid, I wanted to grow up to be a stand-up comic. But then when I did it those few weekends, at the old Comedy Den, I thought: You know, this isn’t for me. I don’t want to stand up in front of people and...tell...jokes. I don’t want to have to learn new stuff every week...and...memorize...it. Hmmm…? [Laughter]

The Buddha said, “Happiness is never decreased by being shared.” It’s the first day of April. April Fool’s Day. Let’s share a little happiness. Let’s laugh a little. Maybe tell a few jokes, and maybe learn something along the way.

Nobody knows exactly where April Fool’s Day came from. The best guess is that, in the 1500s, they changed the calendar to what we have today. Before that, the first day of the new year was considered to be April 1st. Then they changed it to January 1st. But some silly folks insisted on celebrating the new year on April 1st. They were called “April Fools.”

As the old lyrics say, “Everybody plays the fool sometimes.” In the immortal words of Chuckles the Clown, for those who remember the old Mary Tyler Moore Show, “A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.” Now we probably don’t want a little seltzer down our pants, but we do all want to laugh. Not that anybody here worries about sin, but I want to assure you that it’s not a sin to laugh in church.

Mel Brooks, in his movie, “The History of the World, Part I,” gave us an idea of where stand-up comedy came from. He said it was from hundreds of thousands of years ago, during the cave man days. He showed a cave man comedian, talking to other cave men in a cave, telling jokes. But nobody was laughing. He couldn’t get anybody to laugh. Then a dinosaur stuck his head in the cave and grabbed the cave man comedian between his teeth and yanked him out. People thought that was a hoot! They thought it was hilarious! Of course it wasn’t so funny to the cave man comedian.

Eckhardt Tolle says, “Don’t seek happiness. If you seek it, you won’t find it because seeking is the antithesis of happiness.” So let us not seek happiness but let us try to be happy. Or at least try not being unhappy.

When I was a kid, my favorite comedian was Red Skelton. I loved Red Skelton. He had different characters: Clem Kadiddlehopper, the seagulls Gertrude and Heathcliff. Red Skelton was funny. He said there was a guy in prison, about to be electrocuted, sitting in the electric chair. The warden said, “Do you have a last wish?” The man said, “Yeah, I wish you was sitting on my lap.”

Milton Berle was one of pioneers of comedy on TV. Milton Berle said, “Laughter is an instant vacation.” We all need a laughter instant vacation now and then. We all need to laugh.

When I was a little older, my favorite TV comedian was Flip Wilson. I loved Flip Wilson. Flip Wilson had characters, like Reverend Leroy. Reverend Leroy was the minister of the Church of What’s Happenin’ Now. Flip Wilson said he didn’t care about what happened a long time ago, he didn’t care about what was going to happen in the future, he only cared about “What’s happenin’ now!” (You don’t know how close I came to suggesting that Interfaith Congregation in Holland be called The Church of What’s Happenin’ Now!) Flip Wilson didn’t really tell jokes, he told funny stories. He told about a kid who sold lemonade, put a lemonade stand in his front yard and put up a sign that said, “Lemonade: All You Can Drink for a Dime.” A guy stopped, said “I’d like a glass of lemonade,” and the kid said, “That’ll be a dime.” The guy paid the dime. The kid gave him a glass of lemonade. The guy drank it and said, “That’s very good. I’d like another glass. The kid said, “That’ll be another dime.” The guy said, “Wait a minute. Your sign says, ‘Lemonade: All You Can Drink for a Dime.’” The kid said, “That’s right. But you had a glass, didn’t you?” The guy said, “Yeah.” The kid said, “Well, that’s all you can drink for a dime.”

There’s a difference between humor and comedy. Humor is comedy with a college education. Comedian Jay Leno says, “The difference between men and women is that men think The Three Stooges are funny, and women think they’re idiots.” Probably true. I saw a trailer for a new movie coming out about The Three Stooges. Based on the trailer, I think that at best the movie is going to be about comedy rather than humor. (But I’ll go see it anyway.)

A stand-up comic said, “I specialize in self-deprecating humor, but I’m not very good at it.” I don’t think I’m very good at self-deprecating humor, but I don’t like laughing at other people. I look back at my life and think of all the stupid things I’ve done, and notice how kind of funny they are. When I was a kid, I had a stand by my house, too, but I didn’t sell lemonade, I sold rocks! Now they were pretty rocks, I’d get them down the street, brush them off, polish them up and sell them. That was the plan, anyway, but nobody bought any. My family says that I was just a pioneer of the pet rock craze a few years later. Right.

While I try to just pick on myself, I do see funny things about other people do. My sister for example. My sister is a literalist, biblically and otherwise. She and her daughter, my niece, went to the beach along Lake Michigan. They came upon a sign that said, “Senior Pictures.” My sister said, “Oh, isn’t that nice! Some elderly folks must be here today, they’re going to get their picture taken before they go to Florida for the winter.” My niece said, “Uh, Mom, high school senior pictures?” We still laugh about that. Even my sister laughs about it now.

Whenever you see somebody claiming to be a Christian comedian, be very skeptical. You see, usually “Christian comedian” is an oxymoron. They might be funny to a church lady or something, but not to the general public. Although, several years ago I was channel surfing on a Saturday afternoon and I came across somebody who called himself a Christian comedian. And I’m like, “Yeah, right.” But really, this guy was funny. His name was Mark Lowry. I think he sings also, he sings with the Gaither group. I was cracking up listening to this guy. He said, “People ask me what I think about something. I tell them I’m a Lowry; I don’t know what I think about something until I hear the words coming out of my mouth.” I know how he feels. Sometimes I don’t know how I feel about something until I hear the words coming out of my mouth on a Sunday morning.

We all need to laugh. Whenever we can, because life is too short not to laugh. Norman Cousins, the editor of the old “Saturday Review,” was in the hospital. His doctors told him he didn’t have long to live, he had some kind of rare disease and he was going to die soon. So he checked himself out of the hospital and into a hotel. In the hotel, he spent days and days and days watching old comedy movies and funny TV shows. Then he went back to his doctors and they told him he was cured. He had cured himself with laughter. He laughed himself to life. “Reader’s Digest” says laughter is the best medicine and Norman Cousins proved that.

I remember a couple years ago watching the funeral of Tim Russert on TV. Tim Russert, the host of “Meet the Press.” “If it’s Sunday, it’s “Meet the Press.” People told touching and humorous stories about Tim Russert. One of those people was Mike Barnicle.  Mike Barnicle was a writer for a newspaper in Boston and now he’s a commentator on MSNBC. Mike Barnnicle said that the Russerts and the Barnicles were close friends, so they decided to vacation together. They drove out West together, but in separate vehicles. As the Barnicles and the Russerts were driving out West, they got stopped by the police. The policeman pulled them over. Mike Barnacle and Tim Russert got out of their cars. The officer said, “Did you realize you were speeding? I’m going to have to give you both a ticket.” The trooper opened his ticket book and there was only one ticket left. “I’ve only got one ticket left; I’m not sure what to do.” Tim Russert pointed at Mike Barnicle and said, “Well, Officer, I was only following him, if that helps.” We all need a laugh, even at a funeral, sometimes especially at a funeral. We need that release; it helps us cope with tragedy. We all need to laugh sometimes.

An old English proverb says, “What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.” We all need our soul cleansed by laughter, as often as possible.

The other night I was watching comedian David Letterman. He was talking to Rachel Maddow from MSNBC. They were talking, of course, about current events. During the conversation, David Letterman said, “It’s 2012. Why are we still shooting and killing other people. Why hasn’t that worn off?” Sometimes comedians can break through our defenses and make us see things that maybe we wouldn’t see if it were someone else. If a politician had said that, I think it would have gone in one ear and out the other, with possibly a few exceptions. But David Letterman was able to punch through to us. (Maybe that’s why they call it a punch line.)

Lao Tzu, author of many spiritual sayings, said, “Happiness has nothing to do with wealth or status. It’s a matter of harmony.” On this April Fools Day, may we all live in harmony through happiness. May we all giggle and chuckle, not just this day, but every day, as often as possible. May we all laugh ourselves to life.