2, 4, 6, 8: Who Do We Appreciate?

A minister wanted to modernize his church a little bit. So he had the paper-towel dispensers removed from the restrooms and he had those hot-air hand dryers put in. But then, a couple weeks later, he had the hot-air hand dryers taken out of the restrooms and the paper-towel dispensers put back in. Somebody asked him, “Why?” The minister said, because he went into the restroom the other day and someone had put a sign on one of the hot-air hand dryers. The sign said, “If you want to know what last Sunday’s sermon was about, press here.” I imagine there are some ministers who’ve given sermons that aren’t appreciated by everyone. I wouldn’t know. I’ve never experienced that.

Charles Schwab, the investment expert, says, “The way to develop the best that is in a [person] is by appreciation and encouragement.” I think life would be better, people would do better, things would run better, if we all appreciated those around us more. So, let us appreciate, if not the preachers in our lives, the spiritual guides in our lives.

I heard a preacher preach a sermon once, quoting a Bible verse, to justify not tipping waiters and waitresses, because they’re “just doing their job.” Yikes! The preacher said: You don’t have to tip waiters and waitresses, if they’re not going over and above “just doing their job.” Right. It’s not as if waiters and waitresses are being paid less than minimum wage, with the understanding that customers will increase their pay by tipping them. I think there’s a special place in hell for people who don’t tip waiters and waitresses. And for preachers who preach sermons that say,  “Don’t tip waiters and waitresses.” (And I don’t even believe in hell, I’m just using it to make a point.)

Ralph Marston started a website several years ago called, “The Daily Motivator.” Now, Ralph Marston is rich and famous. Ralph Marston says, “Truly appreciate those around you, and you'll soon find many others around you.” I think we should all appreciate workers we see in our everyday lives. So, let us express our appreciation to waiters and waitresses, in the way that they appreciate: by tipping them. They say you should tip 15 to 20%. (Personally, I try to tip at least 20%. Not because I’m so generous; it’s just easier to figure out 20% than 15%.)

I think some of you may know that I am a science-phobe. Actually, it’s not that I fear science, I just don’t have a scientific mind. I appreciate all that science has given us - space rockets, man on the moon, tang - I just don’t always understand science. For those who are familiar with the TV show “The Big Bang Theory,” I am the Penny of life. (Penny is the non-scientific foil on the show.)

Anthony Daniels may, I’m not sure, but may share my non-scientific mind. Anthony Daniels is the actor who played C-3PO in the Star Wars movies. (He wasn’t the little robot-y thing, R2d2; he was the one who looked like the Tin Man in “The Wizard of Oz.”) Anthony Daniels says, now, “I have a greater appreciation for kitchen appliances, having played one.” I think we should all (including me) appreciate those who use science to make life better. So, let us express our appreciation to scientists, for making discoveries that usually advance our lives: in space, in the kitchen, everywhere.

Voltaire, the philosopher and advocate for religious freedom, was born in Paris in 1694. Voltaire was an artist, a prolific writer of every genre: poems, plays, novels, essays, historical and scientific works. Voltaire says, “Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” Artists, like Voltaire - poets, playwrights, painters and more - share with us their vision of life, even if it makes us uncomfortable. I think artists are often unappreciated (that’s why they’re sometimes called starving artists). So, let us express our appreciation to artists: poets, playwrights, painters and more (including church singers and musicians).

I saw a bumper sticker a few years ago that said, “If you can read this bumper sticker, thank a teacher.” I think one of the most under-appreciated professions in America is teaching. Teachers teach our kids, they taught us and we rarely express our appreciation. Solomon Ortiz is a former Democratic congressman from Texas. (My guess is that being a Democratic congressman from Texas puts you on the endangered species list.) Solomon Ortiz says: “...we must all do more to show our continued appreciation for our Nation's leading role models.” Teachers. I think we should all appreciate those who teach our kids and who taught us. So, let us express our appreciation to teachers (including, of course, Sunday School teachers), for helping us to learn how to think for ourselves.

I heard or read once that on the day President Kennedy was assassinated, a teacher down south went into her classroom and announced the president’s death. The school kids cheered. Yikes! Talk about living in two Americas. (I can’t imagine living in that America.) Obviously not everyone appreciated President Kennedy. President Kennedy says, “...the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” He certainly did that. I think we should all appreciate those who run for political office, and sometimes risk their lives to do it. So, let us express our appreciation to politicians even those (and this is very difficult for me to say) even those we disagree with.

Let me take a minute to brag on my daughter, if you will. She’s an intern in Washington in Sen. Carl Levin’s office. In a few weeks, she’ll intern for the rest of the summer in Sen. Tom Harkin’s office. I’m so proud of her. As I imagine, or at least I hope, that all parents are proud of their children. Haim Ginott was a school teacher in Israel, a child psychologist and the author of the book, “Between Parent and Child.” Haim Ginott says, “If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others.” I think all children - like all adults - want to be appreciated. So, let us express our appreciation to our children - in some cases, for just being children.

I’ve started sending my wife flowers at work. For traditional flower-sending holidays, like Valentine’s Day. And even for non-traditional flower-sending holidays, like St. Patrick’s Day. (She’s not even Irish. Although I guess we’re all Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. “I’ll take another green beer, please.”) I send her flowers, because she appreciates getting flowers. I also do it to show how much I appreciate her. Mother Teresa says, “There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.” I think we should all appreciate those we love. So, let us express our appreciation to loved ones; with words, and maybe even sometimes with flowers.

My wife and I moved to Muskegon a few weeks ago. We live a five minute stroll from the beach, so we watch a sunset nearly every night. Now I’m not a big fan of “praising” God. It makes me think that if God exists, she has an ego that needs to be stroked. But when I see a sunset, I want to praise someone or something. Or maybe just say, “Thank heavens!” Alan Cohen owns the Florida Panthers hockey team. (I guess they’re called the Panthers, because panthers are known to be so agile on the ice.) Alan Cohen says, “Appreciation is the highest form of prayer.” I think we should all appreciate all the life that surrounds us. So, let us express our appreciation to God or Goddess or Nature or the Universe or the Holy or the Source or Whatever, for all that is seen and unseen.

Today we celebrate Appreciation Sunday, a chance for us to say, “Thank you,” to those who give of their time, talent and treasure to make this congregation what it is. So: If you give of your time, by showing up here on Sunday morning or in some other way, “Thank you.” If you give of your talent, by singing or playing an instrument on Sunday morning or in some other way, “Thank you.” If you give of your treasure, by putting money in the collection basket on Sunday morning or in some other way, “Thank you.”

I was listening to the radio the other day and I heard a phrase in a piece of music that says what I want to say better than I can. “Life is a song worth singing.” Isn’t that the truth. So, let us sing the song of life, let us express our appreciation for life and let us express our appreciation to all those who make our life and our congregation better. Oh, and thank you for listening to my sermon. I appreciate it.

Three Mothers I Admire

NARRATOR
Welcome to the theater...of the mind.
This is a three-act play,
on this Mother’s Day,
entitled, “Three Mothers I Admire.”
I’m the Narrator.
I’m also one of the actors,
along with my wife, Kathleen.

Act 1.
It’s a beautiful sunny day.
A man is in his backyard,
holding a golf club.

MOTHER EARTH
Ouch!

SON OF THE EARTH
Who said that?

MOTHER EARTH
I did.

SON OF THE EARTH
Who are you?

MOTHER EARTH
Your Mother.

SON OF THE EARTH
Mom? You sound different.

MOTHER EARTH
Not your biological mother.
Mother Earth.

SON OF THE EARTH
Holy cow!
Where are you?

MOTHER EARTH
Down here, under you.
Where’d you think I’d be?
By the way,
what are you wearing on your feet?

SON OF THE EARTH
Golf shoes.

MOTHER EARTH
Golf shoes?
Cleats!
Oh my aching back!

SON OF THE EARTH
Sorry.
I was just practicing some chip shots in the backyard
and I wanted to wear what I wear on the golf course.

MOTHER EARTH
Don’t apologize.
Usually I like cleated golf shoes.
They’re like acupuncture to me.
I guess I’m just feeling old today.

SON OF THE EARTH
Old?
You’re not that old.
Why, some people say you’re only about 6,000 years old.

MOTHER EARTH
Yeah, right.
And if you believe that, I’ve got some swampland in Florida I’d like to sell you.
Wait a minute.
Come to think of it, I do have some swampland in Florida I’d like to sell you.

SON OF THE EARTH
Well, how old are you then?

MOTHER EARTH
Don’t you know you’re not supposed to ask a woman her age?

SON OF THE EARTH
Sorry.

MOTHER EARTH
That’s okay.
I’m not afraid to reveal my age.
I like to say that this year I’ll celebrate my 5 billionth anniversary of turning 29.

SON OF THE EARTH
But I thought that The Big Bang Theory tells us the earth is 14 billion years old.
I don’t mean scientists.
I mean the theme song for the TV show The Big Bang Theory.
I hear it every week.

MOTHER EARTH
They’re talking about the Universe.
The universe is about 14 billion years old.
I’m just a child compared to the universe.

SON OF THE EARTH
So why do some people say you’re only 6,000 years old?

MOTHER EARTH
Religion.
Religion makes some folks believe unusual things.

SON OF THE EARTH
Like believing that I’m talking to Mother Earth right now?

MOTHER EARTH
Something like that.
But I was thinking more along the lines of religious people
believing that an earthquake is God expressing anger.

SON OF THE EARTH
It’s not?
Is it you expressing anger?

MOTHER EARTH
[Chuckles] No.
It’s just my tectonic plates shifting.

SON OF THE EARTH
In anger?

MOTHER EARTH
[Chuckles] No.
Not that I don’t have plenty to be angry about.
Global Warming.
Over-population.
Air, Water and Soil Pollution.
The list goes on and on and on.

SON OF THE EARTH
On behalf of all human beings, I apologize.

MOTHER EARTH
No need to apologize.
It’s not as if it’s all just the fault of human beings.
What am I saying?
Of course it’s all just the fault of human beings!
It’s not as if zebras are causing Global Warming.
Or bears are causing Over-Population.
Or dolphins are causing Air, Water and Soil Pollution.
That’s all the fault of you humans.

SON OF THE EARTH
Why do we do that?

MOTHER EARTH
Probably religion again.
Some people take the words in the Hebrew scriptures literally.

SON OF THE EARTH
Which words?

MOTHER EARTH
The ones where it says that after God created humankind in God’s image,
“God blessed them, and God said to them,
‘Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it;
and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air
and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.’”

SON OF THE EARTH
But those are beautiful words.
Very poetic.

MOTHER EARTH
I know.
But some people hear those words, “subdue” and “dominion,”
and think they hear the words, “pollute” and “over-populate.”

SON OF THE EARTH
Oh.
Well, in defense of humankind,
some people believe the earth is just a stepping stone to heaven.
We can do to the earth whatever we want
and it’ll all work out “in the sweet by and by.”

MOTHER EARTH
That’s a defense?

SON OF THE EARTH
Yes, although admittedly, not a very good one.
Let’s hope humankind wakes up
to the fact that the earth is all we’ve got
and we should protect and preserve it.

MOTHER EARTH
Let’s hope.
By the way, what’s your favorite part of me?

SON OF THE EARTH
Oh, I love so much of you:
Trees with their fall colors.
Magnificent mountains.
Even a fresh layer of new-fallen snow.
But probably my favorite part of you
is walking along the beach at sunset, barefoot.
I love the feel of sand between my toes.

MOTHER EARTH
And I love the feel of toes between my sand.

SON OF THE EARTH
I love you, Mother.

MOTHER EARTH
I love you, too, Son.

SON OF THE EARTH
Happy Mother’s Day!

MOTHER
Thanks!


NARRATOR
Act 2.
A darkened room.
A single lightbulb is hanging from a wire
above a table where a man is sitting.
He’s a psychic, gazing into his crystal ball,
to communicate with a woman beyond the grave.
She speaks.

MOTHER TERESA
Who’s there?

PSYCHIC
Mother?

MOTHER TERESA
Yes.

PSYCHIC
Mother Teresa?

MOTHER TERESA
Yes. How can I help you?

PSYCHIC
I wanted to talk to you about your life.

MOTHER TERESA
Whatever for?

PSYCHIC
Well, you’re up for sainthood in the Catholic church.
You received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1979.
And I just find your life,
your spiritual life,
your commitment to charity,
amazing. Miraculous even.

MOTHER TERESA
The miracle is not that we did the work,
but that we were happy to do it.

PSYCHIC
Yes.
I’ve read about your life...

MOTHER TERESA
[Rolls her eyes] You mean you checked me out on Wikipedia.

PSYCHIC
Well...yeah.
And I read there that you were born on August 26th, 1910.
But you consider the next day, August 27th, the day you were baptized,
as your “true birthday.”

MOTHER TERESA
Yes.
By blood, I am Albanian.
By citizenship, an Indian.
By faith, I am a Catholic nun.
As to my calling,
I belong to the world.
As to my heart,
I belong entirely to the Heart of Jesus.
How long have you been a Catholic, my son?

PSYCHIC
Ahhh...well...umm...I’m not.

MOTHER TERESA
You’re not?!
Well then, how long have you been a...
[says it like she just sucked on a lemon]
...Protestant?

PSYCHIC
I’m not a Protestant, either, really.
I’m a...Unitarian.

MOTHER TERESA
God in heaven!
[Crosses herself.]
Well, you’re relatively young.
There’s still time for you to convert to Catholicism.

PSYCHIC
Riiiight.
Now I have to admit
that you and I disagree on a couple of issues.
The issue of abortion.
I support a woman’s right to choose.
And I know you don’t.

MOTHER TERESA
I’m a Catholic nun.
What can I tell ya?

PSYCHIC
I also have to admit,
another issue I never understood is why,
when you were handing out food
to the poorest of the poor in India,
why you didn’t also hand out condoms.
I would think over-population is a big problem in India.

MOTHER TERESA
Again, I’m a Catholic nun.
What can I tell ya?

PSYCHIC
True.
Okay, so let’s set those issues aside
and just talk about your spiritual life
and your charitable work.

MOTHER TERESA
Sounds good.

PSYCHIC
You founded the Missionaries of Charity,
a Roman Catholic religious congregation,
which this year consisted of over 4,500 sisters
and is active in 133 countries.
Wow.

MOTHER TERESA
We ourselves felt that what we were doing was just a drop in the ocean.
But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.
Let us touch the dying, the poor, the lonely and the unwanted
according to the graces we have received
and let us not be ashamed or slow to do the humble work.

PSYCHIC
You are like love personified.
How important is love in what you do?

MOTHER TERESA
The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.
Spread love everywhere you go.
Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.
Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand.

PSYCHIC
Many of the people you helped were all alone in the world,
with nobody else to give them a hand.

MOTHER TERESA
One of the greatest diseases is to be nobody to anybody.
The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted.
Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody,
I think that is a much greater hunger,
a much greater poverty, than the person who has nothing to eat.

PSYCHIC
What would you like to say to people today?

MOTHER TERESA
I want you to be concerned about your next door neighbor.
Do you know your next door neighbor?
Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.
If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
Peace begins with a smile.

PSYCHIC
Mother Teresa, thanks for talking with me.

MOTHER TERESA
You’re welcome.

PSYCHIC
It is Mother’s Day.
And I just want to say:
Happy Mother’s Day, Mother Teresa.

MOTHER TERESA
[Chuckles] But I was never a mother.
I never had any children.

PSYCHIC
Oh, I think you had millions of children.
Many of them were adults.
Happy Mother’s Day.

MOTHER TERESA
Thank you.
And God bless you.


NARRATOR
Act 3.
It’s a beautiful summer day.
A 9-year-old boy is playing baseball
with neighborhood children in a field.
A blue-haired lady, in a flowered dress,
who lives in a house near the field,
steps out onto her side-porch and bellows...

GRANDMA
Billy! Lunch!

BILLY
Oh, I gotta run guys. Sorry.
(Oh man, running to my Grandma’s house isn’t easy.
It seems like her house is a mile away.
I’ll bet when I’m older, though,
I’ll realize this field was just across the street
from her house, maybe a hundred feet away.)

GRANDMA
Hi, Billy.
Wash your hands.

BILLY
Okay, Grandma.
What’s for lunch?

GRANDMA
Sliced tomato and cottage cheese
and a braunschweiger and onion sandwich,
with lots of mayonnaise.
And a glass of whole milk.

BILLY
Oh, boy!
My favorites!
I sure am lucky to be living in 1964,
before anybody has ever heard of
cholesterol or clogged arteries.

GRANDMA
What are you talking about?
Just eat your lunch.
But first say grace.

BILLY
Good food, good meat, good God, let’s eat.
Amen.

GRANDMA
Billy! Show a little respect!
Don’t you learn anything
when I take you to church every Sunday?

BILLY
Well, this past Sunday I learned that the Communion wine
they serve in church is really grape juice.
Hello!
And it’s not even Welch’s grape juice.
It’s some kind of funky generic brand!

GRANDMA
What did you expect?
They can’t serve real wine
or they’d have every drunk in town show up for church.

BILLY
[Chuckles] Yeah, we can’t have that.

GRANDMA
Of course not.
And they serve generic brand grape juice,
Mr. Smarty Pants,
because churches these days have to scrimp and save just to get by.
I’ll bet churches 50 years from now
won’t have to worry about money at all.

BILLY
From your mouth to God’s ears.

GRANDMA
Billy, do you know why I take you to church every Sunday?

BILLY
Not a clue.

GRANDMA
Because one day I’d like to see you
grow up to be a minister.

BILLY
Seriously?

GRANDMA
[Laughing] Are you kidding?
How hard up would God have to be
to have you as a minister?

BILLY
Gee thanks, Grandma.

GRANDMA
Hurry up and eat your lunch.
The TV Weatherman, Buck Matthews,
whom I worship like a god,
just said we’re under a tornado watch.
We have to get down in the basement till it’s over.

BILLY
Aw, it’s so boring in the basement.

GRANDMA
Are you kidding?
You love it in the basement.
Remember, I’m the township clerk,
so I have old ballots you like to draw on the back of.

BILLY
True.
You’re the township clerk?

GRANDMA
Yup.
I’m about the only Democrat in this town,
but they vote for me anyway.
They say it’s because they love me.

BILLY
(Chuckles) So they love you, even though you’re a Democrat.

GRANDMA
Yes. Isn’t that nice?

BILLY
Ah, I guess.
You know what Grandma?

GRANDMA
No. What?

BILLY
I’m glad you live next door to us.
Then I can come visit you
whenever I get bored at home.

GRANDMA
[Chuckles] Gee, it’s nice to know
I’m your alternative to boredom.

BILLY
I didn’t mean it that way.
It’s just fun to come over here.

GRANDMA
I’m glad you feel that way.

BILLY
Grandma, can I ask you something?

GRANDMA
Sure. What is it?

BILLY
What do people mean when they say you’re a Gold Star Mother?
Is that the same thing as when we get a gold star in school?

GRANDMA
[Sigh] No, not exactly.
Do you remember seeing the picture of a young man in uniform in my living room?

BILLY
Yes.

GRANDMA
That’s my son, Curt.
Your mother’s brother.
Your Uncle Curt.
He died in the Korean War, a couple years before you were born.

BILLY
I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t make you feel bad.

GRANDMA
No, you didn’t.
I’m glad you asked me.
It’s good to remember Curt, he was a good son.

BILLY
I wish I would’ve known him.

GRANDMA
You would’ve liked him.
And he would’ve liked you.

BILLY
You think?

GRANDMA
I know.
He was irrepressible.
Just like you are irrepressible.

BILLY
Whatever that means.

GRANDMA
Billy, remember when I kidded you before
about you becoming a minister?

BILLY
I’m trying to forget.

GRANDMA
Well, I didn’t really mean it.

BILLY
Really?

GRANDMA
Really.
I think you’d make a fine minister.

BILLY
Gee, thanks Grandma.
You know, I don’t come over to your house when I’m bored.
I come over to your house because you nurture me in body, mind and spirit.
 You show me the meaning of unconditional love.
And you demonstrate to me the importance of finding joy in life.
Grandma?

GRANDMA
Yes, Billy.

BILLY
I love you.

GRANDMA
I love you, too, Billy.

BILLY
Happy Mother’s Day!

GRANDMA
Thanks.


NARRATOR (BILL FREEMAN)
I’d like to thank Kathleen for taking part in this.
She was not the focus of one of the acts,
not because she’s not a mother I admire.
She is.
But I’m waiting for Best Friend’s Day, then I’ll write about her.

Also, many of Mother Teresa’s words
were actually things she’d said over the years.

Finally, in the interest of full disclosure,
I can never remember having a conversation with my Grandma
about me going into the ministry.
But I do believe she would’ve been supportive of me becoming a minister.
Thank you for listening to our little theater presentation.
And Happy Mother’s Day.

All I Really Need To Know I Learned From Television

Years ago, there was a television show about a radio station, “WKRP in Cinncinnati.” One day the station manager had a brilliant idea for a promotion – give away free live turkeys for Thanksgiving. So they got people to gather in a grocery store parking lot. The radio station’s newsman was there to describe the scene because this was going to be an historic event. Then a helicopter flew over and the station manager and the sales manager dropped the live turkeys from the helicopter. The newsman described the horrific scene. He said the turkeys, “fell like wet bags of cement.” Thankfully nobody was hurt, except for the turkeys. The station manager said afterwards, “As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!” One of the funniest moments on television ever. 

I’ve spent a lifetime watching television. Some people would say I’ve wasted a lifetime watching television. But I don’t think so. Robert Fulghum, a Unitarian Universalist minister, wrote a best-selling book several years ago, “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.” I read that book at that time; it was wonderful! He said to play nice, put things away when you’re done with them, take a nap in the afternoon. Wonderful advice. It’s what we all learned in kindergarten. 

But I learned a different way. All I really need to know, I learned from television. I learned about classical music from watching “Bugs Bunny” and the “Lone Ranger.” I learned that if you’re ever arrested, never say a word to the police without your attorney there. I heard that on “NYPD Blue” and many other police shows. I learned about the law from watching every episode of “Boston Legal.” Although, I talked with an attorney who said that he couldn’t make it through even one episode of that because it was unlike the law. But I’ve learned about several legal issues from that show at least. 

Admittedly, I had to unlearn some things from watching television. I had to unlearn that, unlike Wile E. Coyote, when people fall seemingly to their death, they don’t show up ten seconds later. Even Jesus took three days to show up, according to my Christian brothers and sisters. 

Groucho Marx said, “Television is very educational. Whenever someone turns on a television set, I go in the other room and read a book.” 

I used to, I think, get my affirmation from TV. I watch, therefore I am. I hope I don’t do that anymore. I think I am healthier today because of television, not because I was a couch potato or anything, but because of the anti-smoking ads on TV, I never took up the habit of smoking. Because of the anti-drug ads on TV, I never did drugs, because they said they would kill brain cells, and I was smart enough to know I didn’t have any brain cells to spare. 

Nicholas Johnson was a member of the Federal Communications Commission years ago. He said, “All television is educational television. The question is, what is it teaching?” Sometimes it teaches really well. 

I remember an episode of “The West Wing,” which taught people, I think, about the Bible and homosexuality. The President was greeting a group of radio talk show hosts that came to the White House. As he said hello to them, he noticed one radio talk show host in particular, a woman who was there to take the place, I think, of Doctor Laura, that’s who she represented on the show. He said to her, “I like the way you say that homosexuality is an abomination.” She said, “I don’t say that, Mr. President, the Bible does.” He said yes and quoted Leviticus. He said, “I’m glad you’re here because you can help me with some things. I’m thinking of selling my daughter into slavery, as the Bible says you can do. What would be a fair price for her?” He said, “My chief of staff insists on working on the Sabbath, which the Bible calls an abomination, and he should be put to death. My question is, do I have to kill him myself or can I have the Secret Service do that?” He said, “My mother wears clothing made from two different fabrics, which the Bible says is an abomination and she should be put to death. Should we have a family get-together and all kill her together?” This was three or four of the best moments on television and advanced the issue of gay rights for many people, I believe.

I was home sick on November 22, 1963, lying in our living room, watching television when a bulletin came on that President Kennedy had been assassinated. I watched all the coverage that day, and then that Sunday, coming home from church, we turned the TV on and saw Lee Harvey Oswald get shot by Jack Ruby. I’ve seen people die on television, as we all have. Mark Twain said, “A person who has lived to the full is prepared for death,” but I wish some people could have lived a little longer. 

I was watching television on April 4, 1968. I think I was watching Mannix, when Dan Rather came on to say that Martin Luther King, Jr. had been shot and killed in Memphis. A few years later I was watching NBC when Jane Pauley came on to say that John Lennon had been shot and killed in New York City. I’ve seen and heard about too many deaths on television. 

I heard about McCarthyism from watching a CBS news retrospective many years ago, featuring Edward R. Murrow. I learned about the destruction that can come about when a demagogue is allowed to speak evil, hateful, ignorant things on television. Just recently we heard a congressman who, in a similar vein, said that 80 or so House members are communists because they are progressives. Now, thankfully, he’s just laughed at. 

Winston Churchill said, “Courage is when someone stands up and speaks out.” I’ve seen many people stand up and speak out on television – stand up and speak out for equal rights and against unequal wrongs, speak out for civil rights and against uncivil wrongs. 

I believe that if it wasn’t for the watchful eye of television, the civil rights movement would have ended much quicker and many more civil rights supporters would have died. If it wasn’t for the watchful protective eye of television, people like Bull Connor would have killed African Americans indiscriminately. I think. 

Think about that young man who stood in front of a tank in Tiananmen Square in China many years ago. Because of the watchful, protective eye of television, I think that tank didn’t blow him away. But then China threw out the foreign journalists and unplugged the network cameras and I shudder to think what happened to that young man.

Think about what happened to Rodney King. If somebody hadn’t been there with a camera 20 years ago and television hadn’t broadcast those vile pictures of Rodney King nearly being beaten to death by the police, Rodney King probably would have accused the police of brutality in the courts and the police would have said, “No he just ran into a door, nobody beat him up.” But because of the watchful eye of television, we know that’s not true. And even though those who beat him up were found not guilty the first time, which resulted in riots in Los Angeles, the second time they were found guilty of violating Rodney King’s civil rights. Rodney King said during the riots, “Can we all get along? Can we all get along?” I saw that on television. 

Think about the Treyvon Martin case. Horrible. If it wasn’t for people on television like Reverend Al Sharpton, calling for justice, George Zimmerman would be walking around now without the cloud of second degree murder charges against him. 

Think about the four students killed at Kent State in 1970. If it wasn’t for the watchful eye of television, how many Kent States would there have been across the country, of students protesting the Vietnam War and shot by the military or the police? 

Think about Occupy Wall Street, even with the protective, watchful eye of television, young people have been tasered, have been pepper-sprayed with what seemed like a hose of pepper spray. Can you imagine what would have happened to the Occupy Wall Street people if there hadn’t been the protective eye of television? How many people would be dead? 

My wife and I recently moved from Holland to Muskegon. We were trying to figure out what we should do about television. Should we order cable or satellite? She researched it. It’s hard to get a handle on the exact prices of things. Finally I said, “Let’s not have cable or satellite. We can watch TV shows on the computer. Let’s just do that.” So that’s what we’ve done. Now it’s only been a week and I haven’t yet started getting the shakes, even though I can’t watch “Hardball” and “Politics Nation” with Al Sharpton and “The Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report” live. Hopefully that won’t happen. 

Ann Landers said once, “Television has proved that we will do anything to avoid looking at each other.” I hope that’s not the case for me at least. I hope I don’t watch television to avoid looking at people.

 

Now I’m not going to stand here and tell you that everything on television is just wonderful. It’s not. You know that. There is much trash TV. The Kardashians? Snooky? Fear Factor where people eat bugs just to get on TV? Much of what is on TV is God-awful. Gallagher, a comedian, who smashes fruit on stage, said, “I wish television sets had a knob where you could turn up the intelligence.” He said there is a brightness knob, but that doesn’t really work.

Why do people watch bad TV? I can’t figure it out. You can usually tell when a sitcom is bad by the loudness of the laugh track. The louder the laugh track, usually the worse the sitcom. But there are good programs on TV, even though back in the 60s, 1961, the chair of the Federal Communications Commission, a man named Newton Minow, called television “a vast wasteland.” But this was at a time when CBS News aired a report “Harvest of Shame,” detailing the inhumane treatment of migrant farm workers. I wonder how much better things are today. This was at a time when Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks worked in television. This was at a time just before Johnny Carson took over “The Tonight Show.” I don’t think all television is a vast wasteland, although Ernie Kovacs defined television as “a medium, so-called because it is neither rare nor well-done.” 

But television has given us “Cheers,” and “Seinfeld.” Television has given  us “Hill Street Blues” and “St. Elsewhere.” Television has given us “Modern Family” and “The Big Bang Theory.” Television has given us Bill Moyers and Charles Kurault. 

Years ago I watched “Sunday Morning with Charles Kurault” religiously. It was my church. I was there every Sunday in front of the TV. Charles Kurault was my minister. He lifted my spirits. He touched my soul. “Sunday Morning with Charles Kurault” took us to Tienanmen Square in China. . “Sunday Morning with Charles Kurault” took us to Russia to see the return of Vladamir Horowitz, the great concert pianist, for his first trip to Russia in more than 60 years and we saw a live concert from Vladamir Horowitz. . “Sunday Morning with Charles Kurault” took us to South Africa to watch live when Nelson Mandela was released from prison. Charles Kurault said once, “There is a national conscience that can be touched.” And I think Charles Kurault touched that national conscience quite often. 

Television is just a box. It can be a jewelry box full of valuables. Or it can be Pandora’s box, full of evil. The choice is up to each one of us. That’s something I learned from television.

Creation Stories That End With A Bang!

I love Ricky Gervais. Ricky Gervais has hosted the Golden Globes the last couple years. He’s been refreshingly irreverent. Ricky Gervais is the creator of the British “Office” which became the American “Office.” Ricky Gervais created “Extras,” which is a British comedy. If you haven’t seen it, you should get it.

A year or so ago Ricky Gervais made a movie, “The Invention of Lying.” He played a guy who lives in a time and place where nobody lies. Nobody ever heard of lying; nobody knows what lying is. Then Ricky Gervais owes rent money, but he doesn’t have the money. So he goes to the bank and the teller says, “You don’t have any money.” He says, “Yes, I have lots of money in there.” Of course, the teller believed him because nobody has ever lied. So he gets a lot of money out of the bank. Then his mother is dying in the hospital. She’s frightened. She’s wondering what’s going to happen after her life ends. Is this all there is? Ricky Gervais tells her no, after you die you go to a place of peace and serenity – heaven. Then she passes on in comfort. Hospital workers overheard him say this to his mother and of course they believed him, because everybody tells the truth, nobody lies. So then he becomes a prophet, speaking on behalf of the sky god and they believe everything he says.

In real life Ricky Gervais is an atheist. I think at the end of the Golden Globes a couple of years ago he said, “I want to thank God for making me an atheist.” I imagine that Ricky Gervais believes that stories that religions tell are lies. Like creation stories. I imagine he believes those are lies. But are they? Are they lies? If my wife and I are driving along and we see a car, empty by the side of the road and I say, “I imagine the car ran out of gas and the driver has gone to buy a gallon of gas to get it going.” Then she says, “No, I’ll bet that the driver was kidnapped and is in danger.” Now neither one of us knows the truth, but are we lying or are we just guessing? Are writers of different religions’ creation stories lying or are they just guessing?

Joseph Campbell, as you probably know, is an expert on comparative religions and religious myths. Joseph Campbell said once, “Follow your bliss.” He was interviewed several years ago by Bill Moyers for the PBS program, “The Story of Myth.” Joseph Campbell said, “All the gods, all the heavens, all the worlds are inside us. They are magnified dreams.” Are religions that tell creation stories lying, are they guessing, or are they telling magnified dreams? What they hope happened, what they think happened, their best guess at what happened, maybe their poetic way of saying it, their imaginative words.

Now religious people have a problem with the word “myth.” They don’t like that word, it has a negative connotation. “Maybe your religions’ creation stories are myths, but my religion’s creation stories are true. They’re truth.” Many religious people have a problem calling creation stories and other spiritual stories “myths.” But what else can we call them?

Native peoples believe that the North American continent rests upon a big, gigantic turtle. I’ve also heard that there are those who believe that the earth itself rests on a stack of turtles. And I’ve heard the question asked, “Well, what’s underneath the bottom turtle of that stack?” And of course the answer is: another turtle.

Now some might call those silly stories. Some might call them lies. Some might call them myths. Some might call them magnified dreams. But they are, I think, told mainly so children and adults can understand, and can visualize, what nobody really knows for sure, or nobody knew for sure when the story was made up.

Ancient Africans believed that people were made out of clay and these clay people travelled the globe. Some went north, where there isn’t as much sun. Some went south, where there’s more sun. So the clay people that went north have light colored clay and the people who went south have dark colored clay. Some might say that’s a silly story, a myth, perhaps told so children, inquiring as to what goes on, would have some kind of explanation, perhaps explaining why we have different skin color, a poetic way of telling that story. It’s poetic, it’s imaginative, it’s a story. But I don’t think it’s a lie. It’s just a way of trying to explain why we have different skin colors.

Long ago, Greeks believed that a big bird laid a golden egg and the bird sat upon the egg for a long time. Then the egg hatched and part of the eggshell went up and became the sky and the other part became the earth. A silly story, some might say. A creative creation story. I would say not necessarily a lie. A myth. Nobody really knows for sure. And remember, hundreds of years ago, people all over the world thought the earth was flat! Unfortunately some people still believe that. In fact, they also believe that humankind never set foot on the moon – that it all happened at some studio at NBC.

Christians and Jews share a creation story – Genesis 1. “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved across the waters and God said, “Let there be light. And there was light. And God saw that it was good. And God separated the light from the darkness. And the light God called day and the darkness God called night. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day.”

Now I like that story. Maybe because that’s what I grew up with. But it seems to me it’s very poetical, it’s very creative, it’s very imaginative. It’s not true, it’s a myth, but it’s got nice words. It’s a nice description of what might have been true to people a couple thousand years ago who had no idea how the world began.

Some people, unfortunately many Christians, take those words as literal truth. I did a Bible study at my first church. Now, you have to understand, this was a church in a denomination that’s said to be the most liberal Christian denomination there is. And we read that first story of Genesis and I said afterwards, “Now what did you all think of that? I mean we know that the Bible is not a scientific textbook, and that this is just a poetical story and later on, when it talks about how Adam and Eve were created, that’s not to be taken literally, we know that we are the product of evolution. The moderator of that church, who was in the Bible study, the highest elected official in that church, said, “Oh, well, I don’t believe in evolution. I believe in creationism.” Oy vey! My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken me?

I know people, otherwise intelligent, rational people, who got A’s all through school, even in science classes, who believe that the earth is 6,000 years old, who believe in what they call a “young earth,” who believe that God planted dinosaur bones in the earth to confuse people. Some people just can’t handle myth. They can understand that Jesus told parables that weren’t true, but those were parables and that was Jesus so it’s OK. But they’d have you believe that Jonah really spent three days in the belly of the whale or their whole belief system crumbles.

Now let’s turn to what scientists say. Scientists tell us their best guess is that the universe began, as you know, with the Big Bang Theory. That 14 billion years ago or so, there was a burst of energy. What happened before that, we’re not sure. What happened a moment before that, they don’t know. They’ve got to say that probably it wasn’t a bang, sort of like the old philosophical question, “If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?” Well, of course it does, but they say that this didn’t make a bang, they say it made more of a “whoosh.” But anyway, the Big Bang Theory is science, not superstition. And scientists are such that, if there is a better theory that comes along, they’ll go along with that, they won’t cling to the Big Bang Theory forever, because they’re interested in the truth, not holding on to some superstition. Now I’ve pretty much expended all that I know about the Big Bang Theory. Science is not my forte, although you might be surprised by that because every week I do watch, “The Big Bang Theory.”

Spiritual mystics tell us what happened a long time ago doesn’t matter. And what’s going to happen in the future doesn’t matter. The only thing that we should be concerned with is now, because what happened in the past is long gone and what’s going to happen in the future has not yet come along. The only thing that matters is now. So the question is: Are we now going to argue over whose creation story is more correct? Or are we going to try to save creation? Are we going to work towards ending global warming? Are we going to work towards ending air, water, and soil pollution? Are we going to work towards ending wars and killing humans and animals? Are we going to work towards ending, what seems to be coming closer every day, the possibility of nuclear annihilation?

I always get a kick out of people who, and it’s usually Americans, talk about a fear of the first use of nuclear weapons. Actually it would be the third use of nuclear weapons, because as we know, America was the one to use nuclear weapons first and second in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. So the question, it seems to me, is: Are we going to argue over creation stories or are we going to try to protect creation, the earth, humans and animals?