All I Really Need To Know I Learned From Television

Years ago, there was a television show about a radio station, “WKRP in Cinncinnati.” One day the station manager had a brilliant idea for a promotion – give away free live turkeys for Thanksgiving. So they got people to gather in a grocery store parking lot. The radio station’s newsman was there to describe the scene because this was going to be an historic event. Then a helicopter flew over and the station manager and the sales manager dropped the live turkeys from the helicopter. The newsman described the horrific scene. He said the turkeys, “fell like wet bags of cement.” Thankfully nobody was hurt, except for the turkeys. The station manager said afterwards, “As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!” One of the funniest moments on television ever. 

I’ve spent a lifetime watching television. Some people would say I’ve wasted a lifetime watching television. But I don’t think so. Robert Fulghum, a Unitarian Universalist minister, wrote a best-selling book several years ago, “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.” I read that book at that time; it was wonderful! He said to play nice, put things away when you’re done with them, take a nap in the afternoon. Wonderful advice. It’s what we all learned in kindergarten. 

But I learned a different way. All I really need to know, I learned from television. I learned about classical music from watching “Bugs Bunny” and the “Lone Ranger.” I learned that if you’re ever arrested, never say a word to the police without your attorney there. I heard that on “NYPD Blue” and many other police shows. I learned about the law from watching every episode of “Boston Legal.” Although, I talked with an attorney who said that he couldn’t make it through even one episode of that because it was unlike the law. But I’ve learned about several legal issues from that show at least. 

Admittedly, I had to unlearn some things from watching television. I had to unlearn that, unlike Wile E. Coyote, when people fall seemingly to their death, they don’t show up ten seconds later. Even Jesus took three days to show up, according to my Christian brothers and sisters. 

Groucho Marx said, “Television is very educational. Whenever someone turns on a television set, I go in the other room and read a book.” 

I used to, I think, get my affirmation from TV. I watch, therefore I am. I hope I don’t do that anymore. I think I am healthier today because of television, not because I was a couch potato or anything, but because of the anti-smoking ads on TV, I never took up the habit of smoking. Because of the anti-drug ads on TV, I never did drugs, because they said they would kill brain cells, and I was smart enough to know I didn’t have any brain cells to spare. 

Nicholas Johnson was a member of the Federal Communications Commission years ago. He said, “All television is educational television. The question is, what is it teaching?” Sometimes it teaches really well. 

I remember an episode of “The West Wing,” which taught people, I think, about the Bible and homosexuality. The President was greeting a group of radio talk show hosts that came to the White House. As he said hello to them, he noticed one radio talk show host in particular, a woman who was there to take the place, I think, of Doctor Laura, that’s who she represented on the show. He said to her, “I like the way you say that homosexuality is an abomination.” She said, “I don’t say that, Mr. President, the Bible does.” He said yes and quoted Leviticus. He said, “I’m glad you’re here because you can help me with some things. I’m thinking of selling my daughter into slavery, as the Bible says you can do. What would be a fair price for her?” He said, “My chief of staff insists on working on the Sabbath, which the Bible calls an abomination, and he should be put to death. My question is, do I have to kill him myself or can I have the Secret Service do that?” He said, “My mother wears clothing made from two different fabrics, which the Bible says is an abomination and she should be put to death. Should we have a family get-together and all kill her together?” This was three or four of the best moments on television and advanced the issue of gay rights for many people, I believe.

I was home sick on November 22, 1963, lying in our living room, watching television when a bulletin came on that President Kennedy had been assassinated. I watched all the coverage that day, and then that Sunday, coming home from church, we turned the TV on and saw Lee Harvey Oswald get shot by Jack Ruby. I’ve seen people die on television, as we all have. Mark Twain said, “A person who has lived to the full is prepared for death,” but I wish some people could have lived a little longer. 

I was watching television on April 4, 1968. I think I was watching Mannix, when Dan Rather came on to say that Martin Luther King, Jr. had been shot and killed in Memphis. A few years later I was watching NBC when Jane Pauley came on to say that John Lennon had been shot and killed in New York City. I’ve seen and heard about too many deaths on television. 

I heard about McCarthyism from watching a CBS news retrospective many years ago, featuring Edward R. Murrow. I learned about the destruction that can come about when a demagogue is allowed to speak evil, hateful, ignorant things on television. Just recently we heard a congressman who, in a similar vein, said that 80 or so House members are communists because they are progressives. Now, thankfully, he’s just laughed at. 

Winston Churchill said, “Courage is when someone stands up and speaks out.” I’ve seen many people stand up and speak out on television – stand up and speak out for equal rights and against unequal wrongs, speak out for civil rights and against uncivil wrongs. 

I believe that if it wasn’t for the watchful eye of television, the civil rights movement would have ended much quicker and many more civil rights supporters would have died. If it wasn’t for the watchful protective eye of television, people like Bull Connor would have killed African Americans indiscriminately. I think. 

Think about that young man who stood in front of a tank in Tiananmen Square in China many years ago. Because of the watchful, protective eye of television, I think that tank didn’t blow him away. But then China threw out the foreign journalists and unplugged the network cameras and I shudder to think what happened to that young man.

Think about what happened to Rodney King. If somebody hadn’t been there with a camera 20 years ago and television hadn’t broadcast those vile pictures of Rodney King nearly being beaten to death by the police, Rodney King probably would have accused the police of brutality in the courts and the police would have said, “No he just ran into a door, nobody beat him up.” But because of the watchful eye of television, we know that’s not true. And even though those who beat him up were found not guilty the first time, which resulted in riots in Los Angeles, the second time they were found guilty of violating Rodney King’s civil rights. Rodney King said during the riots, “Can we all get along? Can we all get along?” I saw that on television. 

Think about the Treyvon Martin case. Horrible. If it wasn’t for people on television like Reverend Al Sharpton, calling for justice, George Zimmerman would be walking around now without the cloud of second degree murder charges against him. 

Think about the four students killed at Kent State in 1970. If it wasn’t for the watchful eye of television, how many Kent States would there have been across the country, of students protesting the Vietnam War and shot by the military or the police? 

Think about Occupy Wall Street, even with the protective, watchful eye of television, young people have been tasered, have been pepper-sprayed with what seemed like a hose of pepper spray. Can you imagine what would have happened to the Occupy Wall Street people if there hadn’t been the protective eye of television? How many people would be dead? 

My wife and I recently moved from Holland to Muskegon. We were trying to figure out what we should do about television. Should we order cable or satellite? She researched it. It’s hard to get a handle on the exact prices of things. Finally I said, “Let’s not have cable or satellite. We can watch TV shows on the computer. Let’s just do that.” So that’s what we’ve done. Now it’s only been a week and I haven’t yet started getting the shakes, even though I can’t watch “Hardball” and “Politics Nation” with Al Sharpton and “The Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report” live. Hopefully that won’t happen. 

Ann Landers said once, “Television has proved that we will do anything to avoid looking at each other.” I hope that’s not the case for me at least. I hope I don’t watch television to avoid looking at people.

 

Now I’m not going to stand here and tell you that everything on television is just wonderful. It’s not. You know that. There is much trash TV. The Kardashians? Snooky? Fear Factor where people eat bugs just to get on TV? Much of what is on TV is God-awful. Gallagher, a comedian, who smashes fruit on stage, said, “I wish television sets had a knob where you could turn up the intelligence.” He said there is a brightness knob, but that doesn’t really work.

Why do people watch bad TV? I can’t figure it out. You can usually tell when a sitcom is bad by the loudness of the laugh track. The louder the laugh track, usually the worse the sitcom. But there are good programs on TV, even though back in the 60s, 1961, the chair of the Federal Communications Commission, a man named Newton Minow, called television “a vast wasteland.” But this was at a time when CBS News aired a report “Harvest of Shame,” detailing the inhumane treatment of migrant farm workers. I wonder how much better things are today. This was at a time when Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks worked in television. This was at a time just before Johnny Carson took over “The Tonight Show.” I don’t think all television is a vast wasteland, although Ernie Kovacs defined television as “a medium, so-called because it is neither rare nor well-done.” 

But television has given us “Cheers,” and “Seinfeld.” Television has given  us “Hill Street Blues” and “St. Elsewhere.” Television has given us “Modern Family” and “The Big Bang Theory.” Television has given us Bill Moyers and Charles Kurault. 

Years ago I watched “Sunday Morning with Charles Kurault” religiously. It was my church. I was there every Sunday in front of the TV. Charles Kurault was my minister. He lifted my spirits. He touched my soul. “Sunday Morning with Charles Kurault” took us to Tienanmen Square in China. . “Sunday Morning with Charles Kurault” took us to Russia to see the return of Vladamir Horowitz, the great concert pianist, for his first trip to Russia in more than 60 years and we saw a live concert from Vladamir Horowitz. . “Sunday Morning with Charles Kurault” took us to South Africa to watch live when Nelson Mandela was released from prison. Charles Kurault said once, “There is a national conscience that can be touched.” And I think Charles Kurault touched that national conscience quite often. 

Television is just a box. It can be a jewelry box full of valuables. Or it can be Pandora’s box, full of evil. The choice is up to each one of us. That’s something I learned from television.